I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just googled if crying burns calories
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
