The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
