I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
