Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
