i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
