I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
