new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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