I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
