I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
