I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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