i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
