obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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