ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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