Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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