I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
