We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
