The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
