but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
