What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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