but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am available for nakedness
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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