He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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