I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
