I'm jealous of your bromance
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
