Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
