forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
