Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
