Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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