All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
