I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
