someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
