:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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