she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
