I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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