I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
