I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
