I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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