I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
