i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
