what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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