Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
