I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
