I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
