life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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