I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
