HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
