honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
