A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
