Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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