ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
