Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
