she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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